Pirates, freetraders, privateers, and naval officers of the Burning Sea

Posted in Review on April 4th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

An MMORPG I like? This can’t be. But it is. It’s actually happened again, thanks to being so different from the rest of the games out there. But it has. Pirates of the Burning Seas takes some cues from quite a few MMOs, and makes something unique and interesting with them, even if it’s not without a few flaws. Rotating, updated flaws, by nature of the genre, but still, it’s pretty solid, and oddly comparable to Sid Meier’s Pirates! smashed together with Eve Online.

Moar! »

Wins of a Solar Empire

Posted in Review on March 16th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

The bigger a game gets, the harder it is to review.

Sins of a Solar Empire? It’s fucking huge, if you choose for it to be, like most 4x projects. Customization of maps is all set, random maps of all sizes are good to go, and the AI, well, it’s ready for anything.

The short of it is that Sins of a Solar Empire manages to take the very, very complex (and in terms of Stardock’s repetoire, mastered) 4x genre into real time territory, and keep it all easily managed by means of a great UI, which allows it to stay both fun and manage to get plenty complicated.

Moar! »

Sonic Boom

Posted in Commentary on March 12th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

Why did Super Smash Brothers Brawl win an extra cane just now before the completion of the review?

Sonic the Hedgehog’s stage uses the theme song from Sonic CD.

Sonic Boom. +1 cane. Excellent work, Nintendo. Excellent work. And way better than that awful Donkey Kong rap.

Sins of a Solar Empire

Posted in Commentary on March 8th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong myself, but that’s because I’m having such a good time running them.

There’s going to be a longer review up tonight we expect, but we’re having some issues with a post system. But it needs said that if you like 4x games, or RTS, well, this is the game for you. It manages to walk the line perfectly in slowly passing time with very few qualms to be had(and those are already being addressed for the next major patch). It’s a lot of fun, it has good AI, a good challenge, and all that wonderful Stardock replayability and customization. Not to mention an amazingly clean and effective interface to control astounding numbers without any scrolling at all.

Go ahead and get it, it’s a 5/5. We’ll tell you why tonight, what sets it apart from Galactic Civilizations and other space based RTS, to make a fine blend.

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic:Elemental Sucking

Posted in Review on March 5th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

God damn it, who did this?

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic wasn’t game of the year by any means when it came out in 2006, but it was pretty damn good anyway if you could look past the flaws or somewhat repetitive nature of the game. Of course, to look past those, you had to see something at all, and the game tended to drop to 15 FPS for no reason at all, but that’s another issue, now isn’t it?

Well, imagine all the good elements of the gameplay got cut in favor of a process so streamlined you don’t get to make any choices except “What class will you pick?” at the start. Oh, I’m sorry, did you enjoy how the PC version had three skill trees, letting you use big fucking weapons, staves, arrows, nasty stabby daggers, or flaming death from your fingertips? Too bad now. Not only are you shoehorned into the class of “warrior”, “archer”, “assassin”, or “mage” at the start, you don’t even get to choose how to level up within them. You get experience for killing things, and at a certain point you level up, getting the next skill in the line, whether you want it or not.

And to keep up with that theme of extreme linearity, levels have been shortened or simplified quite a bit. The opening level is, in fact, entirely different(save for some recycled voices and keys). The second level, which was previously an intense rush to figure out where to go while being attacked by an undead cyclops, is now a 2 minute affair that never fails to hold your hand. I can’t define everything that’s been changed, sadly, but I can say far too much in terms of design. This is the essence of dumbed down. You can’t even pick up another type of weapon now. Hey, did you happen to somehow find frost daggers? A bow which launches exploding arrows? Oh, I’m sorry. You’re a warrior. You only get to use the occasional sword you find.

Even for non-warriors, too much of the game comes down to smashing the attack button. The previous careful tactics allowed by the flexibility of the game are gone. No more warriors getting out a bow and arrow to hit a weak spot or trigger a trap to avoid combat. Now they just have to walk on into the fight. And archers who get caught off guard? Well, that’s too bad, they won’t be pulling out a nice dagger or staff for protection. Not that arrows matter. It’s apparent immediately that the hero weilds a 10 foot sword, at least when of the warrior class. It’s far too easy to strike targets that are clearly on the other end of the great hall you happen to be pillaging.

Of course, there are other things than gameplay. Graphics, for example, and sound. Both are terrible. Muddy textures, poor animation, unstable framerates. The sound? Also muddy and skipping heavily. I’m not sure if swords have collided or someone dropped the fine china half the time. Even the FMV cutscenes, which are ripped straight from the prior version, look worse off. Poorly compressed with bad framerates.

This is an absolute failure of a port. A game that was previously quite good, if flawed has been considerably downgraded over the last 17 months. All good elements of the original have been stripped entirely, leaving lackluster combat with poor collision detection, little strategy, and no variety. Far too often sections have been stripped from levels, and the new ones are simply awful. From the very beginning of the game, with the near total redesign to the end where the flexibility that made things so good has been removed, the whole thing is simply awful.

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic:Elements gets 1 star, because even if you never get a chance, it’s fun to kill enemies with the environment, and certain moments still work well, and the story is still fine. Everything else, ugh. Ruined.

Soldier of Failure:Payback

Posted in Review on March 4th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

John Mullins would not be pleased. Neither would Raven Software, I’d imagine.

Soldier of Fortune:Payback has almost nothing to do with the previous games, and the entire list is as follows.

  1. The Shop is still your outfitter.
  2. You’re a mercenary.
  3. There’s a system for enemy dismemberment.

I suppose we could count “It’s an FPS” as number four, but it’s not a good one, as much as I’d hoped it would be. Moar! »

Feel the power of attorney!

Posted in Review on February 27th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

Ah, Birdman. Possibly one of the worst superheroes ever, now working as a somewhat less terrible lawyer. Still not good, still reliant quite often on dumb luck and Avenger as he ever was.

So, how’s the first video game (that I can recall, at least) featuring our winged failure? Well, it’s about like everything he does. It’s a half-hearted effort that has moments of genius, and plenty of “eh.” In reality, the game could have been five episodes of the show to begin with, and it often feels they shoehorned it into the Ace Attorney framework. Phoenix Wright he ain’t, but he tries.

The whole thing is a little clunkier, and the humor is different (though up to the standards of the show certainly). The animation is slightly below show quality, which isn’t high to begin with. The vast majority of the visual elements are recycled, but it wouldn’t be true to source otherwise. And to keep things just as true to the show, the voice actors have all returned (with the exception of Colbert, who’s stand-in does a pretty good job anyway).

A definite upside is that the major points are all done in FMV. Dialog, events, character interactions. There’s text to be read while examining areas and going back over testimony, but having the majority of the game animated and a lot acted, it adds a ton to the authenticity.

The investigations and court cases are funny, certainly, but weak. While it works in televised humor, the somewhat non-sequitur presentations of evidence require some real leaps of logic. And sometimes an eye to spot tiny, almost invisible items in the game to advance. While it’s hilarious when it happens, getting there, well, frustrating. Add to the fact that pressing most statements only gets a canned response of the “No, no need for that” variety, and it feels like the wrong kind of low budget, and the content is very, very limited.

It took me about 5 hours to play through the game, with two very short chases, and three longer ones. None of any real difficulty, and none I put too much effort into. For those who blast through Ace Attorney games (if you’ve already beaten Apollo Justice, for example), this one will take all of two hours. Slower players won’t get more than eight. A lot funny, not a lot of content.

Harvey Birdman:Attorney at Law gets 2.5 out of 5 canes. At $40, it’s too expensive for a budget game, which it clearly is. If it hits XBLA or drops to 20 dollars, it’s a good laugh, but you’d be better to spend your money on the DVDs of the show. Damn fine rental, though.

The Witcher-Enhanced Edition

Posted in Commentary on February 19th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

CD Projekt doesn’t care to sit idly by, it seems, and has seen fit to fix the issues with the prior release. Major complaints, like load times, the lacking English dialog, and the clunky inventory panel? Fixed.

New NPC character models, more animations for dialog, and totally redone facial animations and lip-syncing are on the list too, to really solidify the immersiveness. The new enhancements will be sold in boxed form, and freely available to any who already own the game. And as if it wasn’t big enough already, this is estimated to have 10 more hours of content for an already long game.

For the TL;DR version, click the cut.

Moar! »

Avoiding the massive puns

Posted in News on February 12th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

Mass Effect comes out on PC in may, according to EA games. No more complaints from anti-console PC gamers!

Straight from the press release:

Optimized for the PC, Mass Effect for the PC incorporates the following features:
• Optimized controls designed specifically for the PC.
• High resolution visuals – Mass Effect for the PC features highly detailed textures, characters and environments.
• Fully customizable controls – PC gamers can re-map the control scheme any way they like.
• Run & Gun Control – Players can assign biotic powers or skills to ‘hot keys’ allowing them to play Mass Effect with a heavier focus on action.
• New decryption mini-game.
• New inventory screen GUI and functionality – The enhanced inventory system makes it easier for players to equip and modify their weapons and armor.

Yes, that’s right, improved GUI. Let’s hope the PC release fixes one of the game’s two major issues(the shitty UI, and the infinite elevators, specifically), maybe both.

Previous coverage of Mass Effect can be found here and a review here.

Sonic the Hedgehog-Where did it go wrong?

Posted in Commentary on January 25th, 2008 by ZekeDMS

Ooooh sit right back and I’ll tell a tale

A tale of a sinking ship

What started in a cartridge port

In the days of 16 bit


Sonic the Hedgehog was a god damn revolution in gaming. It was a whole new kind of platformer designed to replace the prior mascot Alex Kidd. A game where instead of collecting powerups and jumping on heads and/or swinging swords, you charged ahead at full speed, plenty deadly from the start, rolling around and impaling anything in the way like a self-propelled pinball. Instead of mushrooms, you grabbed rings, which gave both gave and saved lives. Get hit? Grab your rings, and charge forward again. Once in a while smash a monitor which lets you go even faster, saving time on the limited clock(though rarely did one hit the dreaded 10 minutes), granted a shield to prevent ring loss on the next hit, or sometimes full on invincibility(unless you get crushed, too bad then). The formula was amazingly simple, and very effective, especially considering the platforming conventions of the time, and the first time a player ran a loop, that was an instant love for a new mascot. Moar! »